Philo Sophia

        The twilight looks round in west horizon. The lights go into a full glass room. In the corner of room, there is a bed with one mattress without mosquito net. Beside it, there is a desk and chair with a big mirror in front of.  At the bright yellow wall, there is a pure family photo. Inside the photo, a handsome child carried by his mother that stand, and she looks so beautiful, then beside her, a man stand too. After it, there is no photo paired at the wall.

Behind the window, a woman is look nothing to the outside. A lot of things see dark for her. A view of fish pond on the outside looks dark! A view of mountain range in the east looks dark! A view of the garden with many trees looks dark! Nothing lights go into the woman soul, although the bed room had paired a full big mirror surrounding it. Moreover, many orchids grow on the outside of the chamber only as a decoration.

Every day, she only heard Mbok Jum sound that guide her to other place appropriate her wish. Suddenly, she wish to sit in the side of fish pond only heard a sound of water flowing in a small stream. Then, suddenly, she is wish it sit in the garden only heard a sound of wind. Only once in a while, someone call her “Mom”. That it’s only one time for a week. Not rare, the sound it’s nothing in a week. And she is lonely.

“Just in here already,” the sound it’s soft.

“Give me a phone, I’m so miss my son, Alfian, please,” She have whispered.

Mbok Jum takes the phone in order to Desy, a woman that’s life without a husband. About fifteen years ago, her husband have passed away because a car accident. The accident happened when just now he gave a divorce letter to Desy, his wife.

“Why you divorce me?” She is cry, and hold the letter that’s looks dark!

Alfian curse behind the door, he is a child that only can wait the conflicts is finished. His father did not attention him. His father’s go by car, and brought the divorce letter.

“Will you a blind wife can use for me?” Only this sentence that remembered by Desy. In fact, Desy have known that’s her husband frequently to lock their bed room from deep. And, from the bed room, Desy heard an odd sound, was like a shout, rustle softly, but, Desy only cried in the heart.

Alfian quite stand, nothing that’s would he do. He would go to his father, but his father didn’t attention him. He would go to his mother, but he so hate with her. Alfian felt that’s Desy didn’t his mother because they were different. His mother was blind.

“You’re not my Mom! You’re a blind woman!” Alfi shout to his mother.

Desy feels so sad. Her son say a things that’s make her heart is shattered. Never mind, it’s no important to remember that time. Now, Alfi always visit her although one times a week. Then, sometimes call her “Mom”.

Mbok Jum gives the phone to Desy. A call number has pressed by her, a loyal helper in this family. Desy have asked her to back to village. But, Mbok Jum was not back to home.

“What do you do not miss your family?”

“Why I must miss my family, exactly my family in here?” Mbok Jum hugs Desy. Desy to cough, she has felt breath crowded many times ago.

Then, there is a sound in the phone.

“What’s the problem? Maybe, I can’t back to home” Alfi in a hurry.

“Nothing, but important for save your healthy, and don’t forget to pray,” Desy only say one sentences, after it, Ttuut.................! Alfi have ended his phone.

“Be calm, lady, Mr. Alfi will back to home to visit you,” Mbok Jum will to comfort Desy. She gives a basket there is contain a net and the other things to knit.

In the twilight, Desy knit a gray shawl. She is to grumble.

“Mbok....? Do you think that’s me is wrong because I have given birth to Alfi?”

“What do you said? Alfi is your son, Lady.”

That’s night, Alfi’s father confused. He was taking outside a car in hurry. He was carrying me to the car. The trip was felt so long. I was to groan, and hold the sickness. I was kneading my dress. So sickness, my sweat went out so swift, and Alfi’s father too.

When we were arriving in the bear a child room, Alfi’s father was hold my hand. We heard the explanation of the doctor that I could not give birth in normal way. I’m so shock! My retina was to worry, and maybe could be blind. The save way was a cesarean operation.

I have thought. Over all it was so hard. Actually, this is my first child. I would to feel it, gave a birth! No slept in the operation desk. I was to remember my promise to my Mom.

“For my first child, I want to give a birth with normal way.”

“Right, every woman wish it, to feel the sickness to the happiness.”

Alfi’s father has seen to me, he felt to worry.

“Dad, permit me to give a birth with normal way. I feel it’s good.”

“But it is so dangerous!”

“Believe to Allah, Allah will give the happiness to me and to our child.”

The doctor has to remember to me.

“Although, a torn piece on your retina it’s so little, but it’s so risk.”

“I want to normal way, doctor?” the doctor was seeing to Alfi’s father, and he was nod.

Then, the most sickness incident it has happened. I have taken outside all my energy. I felt sick so hard. I have cried. My veil was wet because my sweat. And the greatest Allah, Alfi have born at the night. Alfi’s father has heard an adzan to his son.

The nurse was putting the baby in my hug. I was feeling his face, and the body.

“Handsome,” I was seeing to Alfi’s father, and he was embracing us.

A moment, I felt a strange. There was a shine in my eyes, and seen many black dot was moving. As if, there was a grey curtain in my sight. But, I didn’t care it.

Some days after it, I thought my sight was overcast. The sun was cloudy. Behind the big window that’s full of beam of sun light, all things seen gray, and it was change to be dark! Dark! And all was dark! I only was quite for a few minutes. Up to Alfi’s father approach me. He felt a strange with me. My hand could not touch the baby! Then, Alfi’s father was embracing me.

“Can I regret it, now?”

“All this is a fate from the God, Lady?”

Mbok Jum is surprizing, a man with the white coat stand on behind the fence of garden. He run! Approach! The white coat with “dr. Alfi” identity have taken in the grass.

“Why? Why you didn’t tell me about it? Mom?”

“What’s your mean?”

“You are blind because of me! You was suffer an retina ablation! Mom!”

“No! This is my fate from the God!”

“No! This is not the fate!”

“Do you think that me is wrong? I only wish to give a birth you.”

Desy is feeling the Alfi’s face, her son that a long time hate her, because she is blind.

“You are so handsome, I still remember it, a few years ago.”

“Mom....” Alfi ask an apologizes.

Alfi is embracing his mom that still hold a gray shawl. However, the body in the hug is weak, the face to be pale, the breath is abnormal, and then she is passed.

All the transitoriness it’s no problem passed in the dark, it’s due to all will seen so nice at the time. The moon have eclipsed. This is the wisdom of love.

-the end-